Camp Lessons: Day 2

From Tuesday June 14th:
Another day in the Normal Life spent at Camp Wa-Nik-Ska-Ka ... it really is turning out to be a great job!Here's a few observations from my second day as a camp counselor. Yesterday was first graders, today was second graders. We had 12 ppl in our group (6 boys/6 girls)...just FYI.

-Apparently they knew what they were doing when they handed out sweatshirts and windpants as part of the job uniform, even if it is summer time

-The excitement and energy level from the first day as a counselor does not spill over into the second day, even if you got more sleep the night before.

-In an official polling of 12 second graders, if they could be any character from any movie most would want to be SpongeBob Squarepants. As distant second was Anakin Skywalker. Amazing to think that the future of the world strives to be an immature yellow sponge flips burgers for a living, and an immature, cluelessly idiotic, egocentricly self-centered whiny brat. Yes it's okay to weep now. (Note: I love Spongebob and do not bother defending Anakin Skywalker, we're not supposed to like him, we're supposed to feel sorry for him. There's a difference!)

-The difference between dealing with 250 screaming first graders and 250 screaming second graders in the pool locker room is like night and day ...

-2nd graders whine ten times more than first graders, which this counselor did not think was possible.

-Children's hearing does not improve between first and second grade.-If a child's lips are blue he is too cold to continue swimming in the pool, but too cranky for a counselor to pull out.

-Second graders are more focused on themselves than first graders ... there's no team mentality in any second grade thought. Somewhere developmental theorists like Piaget and Erikson are weeping in their graves.

-If it's a little nippy OUTSIDE the pool, it's going to be unbearably cold INSIDE the pool.

-Splashing water accurately across great distances is an inherent ability that virtually all second graders possess

-If a child sees a deadly snake in the water while canoeing with his family at Dawson Lake he will spend every waking moment retelling the moment to anyone who is or is not listening, even if you ask him to stop repeatedly.

-Said stories about the deadly snake encounter will never become interesting, no matter how hard one tries to care, especially before noon.

-Lifeguards have a really boring job.-Duck, Duck, Goose is still a failsafe.

-The Duck, Duck, Goose game that I grew up with and loved is not actually the version that is generally played today.

-It is a high honor for a camper to carry out an action asked by a counselor. Examples of such actions are throwing a piece of paper away, putting a pen in a little plastic cup or carrying a muddy sign that is twice as wide as any camper across an extremely windy field.

-These activities are such honor campers will get in shoving matches over them and may cry if they are not chosen

-Wind and Uno are not friends.

-Pink is to boys as Kryptonite is to Superman.

-Some children's view of taking a rest is running around a large area while screaming at the top of their lungs.

-Ninjas are still cool.

-You're not really a Ninja if you don't have a sword.

-A child with a peanut allergy can not eat regular M&M's because they are made in the same factory as peanut M&M's.

-Twins on Tuesday are Trouble

-At any given moment a child either thinks you're the antichrist or the best thing to ever happen to them. Often times nothing you say or do has any bearing on which it is at any given moment.

-Screaming/Yelling aimlessly in large packs is the best way to spend a lunch period as a second grader (even if it means you don't eat).

-Children are either aggravatingly over-competitive or aggravatingly non-competive ... there is virtually no gray area or middle ground on the subject.

-What a Counselor says: DO NOT THROW THE BALL AT ANYONE'S HEAD. Anyone hit in the head will not count as an out and a nyone caught throwing the ball at someoen's head will be sat out.
What Campers hear: THROW THE BALL AT ANYONE'S HEAD ANY CHANCE YOU GET.

-Even when no score is kept, winning at all cost is imperative.

-If you're losing, the other team is definitely cheating. If you're winning, it's because you cheated.

-Picking grass is the favorite past time of 1 in every 3 kids, no matter what is going on around them or what the weather may be like.

-If a child is bad at a game they have a tendency to come down with a sudden illness that at the very least sidelines them for an hour, if it doesn;t nearly kill them all together.

-Just as amazingly, a child mysteriously recovers from sudden deadly illness when said game/activity is over.

-Girls aren't more mature than boys, they are just cuter which makes them generally less annoying.

-Games in which there is no clear objective, teams, time limit or way to end the game become boring after about 5 minutes for an average adult, 10 minutes for the average daycamp counselor and 25 for a second grader.

-The above is a distinct problem when the game is intended to be played for 45 to an hour.

-Water breaks are more for the counselors benefit and sanity than the Children's health or safety.

-Thus far the counselor who told me that there will be a juice spill to clean up at every lunch is 2/2 ... and I thought they were just speaking generally.

-Cups of Kool-Aid, bags of chips, bags of fruit snacks and Arby's wrappers are all not friends with Wind either.

-30 minutes for lunch feels less like half of an hour and more like the time it takes to take two deep breaths.

-Putting 75 kids in a small concrete bunker and then playing a game that involves lots of camper participation leads to intense screaming which in turn causes the loss of sanity for any counselor in the vicinity and at least one camper a group to get a legitimate headache. I mean seriously, it's bad when multiple kids get headaches from the noise (these are there fellow campers were talking about!) ...

-Leaving the bunker is a lot like leaving a football game. You might as well just be patient and enjoy a few extra moments in your seat because it's a million people trying to rush out of a small area with one exit as fast as possible.

-Coloring is still way hip.

-Macaroni is an essential craft item.

-At least one camper in your group will lose or break their craft. Most of the time they'll find it or fix it within 30 seconds of reporting it to their counselor.

-The kid that did the pushing is more likely to be the one crying than the kid who actually got pushed

-Just because "he's a good kid" doesn't mean you don't want to kill him

-You will slapped in the butt at least once a day

-Out of bounds doesn't exist in games unless it's a physical object like a wall taht the campers can't move (and even then...)

-As a counselor, if you're playing the game the kids are you will be singled out. In a game of tag everyone who is "it" will make it their goal to tag you. Generally this occurs all at once and more than once. Conversely you won't be out for more than 30 seconds (sadly, this could be good rest time) as 15 campers are ready to save you the moment it happens

-Kids can't run as fast as counselors, but it doesn't matter because they'll eventually catch up ... they can't run as fast, but they can run at their fatest pace about 10x as long as any counselor can.

-With second graders, you don't always have to let the wookie win.

-A Game is only boring to the losing team.

-One can be young at heart their whole lives, but they can only be young in practice for 5 minutes at a time.

-As long as you know the hand motions and the words, you don't have to be even a remotely decent singer at camp.

-It only takes one rendition to get a silly song stuck in your head for the entire night away from camp.

-The feathers the Monday campers found and thought were either Eagle or Duck feathers were actually Goose feathers according to our Tuesday campers.

-Jim-